Realizations

I live with my aunt and my her boyfriend (who i usually just refer to as my uncle cause its easier). You know i used to look on older relationships as steady and unbreakable and stand in awe to how they just get each other. I thought this because they older and they have been through many relationships and know how it works. However, as I get older I watch my aunt and uncle interact with each other and realize they are winging it just like the rest of us, no matter what age you are.

In my short time on this earth I have had boyfriends, lovers, one night stands and through all of this I have realized something...women over think and men do not think enough. I have never met a couple that has not had problems communicating or expressing feelings to one another. One thing can happen between me and my boyfriend and I will go home and play through every word said in my head over and over again, while he just goes home and plays Play Station over and over again.

Sometimes I talk to my boyfriend (lets call him Tom) and i feel like I'm just wasting breath and I never thought it was like with older couples, not the case. Last night some sport was on TV and my uncle was watching it, my aunt was trying to tell him about the trip they are going on in a couple of days, he did not hear a word. My aunt gave me a look that said "yup I am used to this". Throughout watching my aunt and uncle and comparing them to my own relationship it is comparably better in the sense that they do not fight over fickle things such as "why did you look at that girl that way" or " Why are late from work, where were you?" there is a definite trust, which I also believe is missing from most relationships.

I usually get a phone call or call Tom before I go to bed everynight to say "goodnight" . It has just become a tradition I have gotten used to because we live in different cities.  Last night I called and left message. Half expecting a call or at least a text back saying goodnight like what usually happens I slept light, eventually falling into a deep sleep. When I woke up this morning, there was no missed call, message or text and suddenly felt a little sunken in. He is still going to school and living with friends who like to drink and party and when something like this happens my mind wanders into multiple scenarios. I still have not received any message, but have come to the conclusion that if I am going to make this relationship work I can not get crazy over situations like these. Sometimes I forget that I can be independent and do not need someone there constantly reassuring me.

Before my aunt met her boyfriend she had gotten a divorce from her husband. This was also the time that I had moved in with her. She did not have a date or boyfriend for those 5 or 6 years between men ( at least none that I was aware of). She is my role model for an independent woman. She moved out of her house, took me in and was able to build a completely new confident life for herself. When I forget that I am a person outside of a relationship I think of her, and tell myself that silly situations like these will not change the fact that I am confident outside of a relationship.

After a certain amount of time being with someone I believe you just need to that have that unspoken trust and try to remind yourself of the reasons you are with this person. Do not question the trust that you have built over the years over silly matters.

I think us women just have to remind ourselves, as much as we would like to have a man that expresses emotions, feelings and thoughts on a daily basis we should be semi happy that they do not. If men over thought and freaked about all the little things like we do, no one would be in a relationship. Sometimes we feel that something we have done or said will make the relationship come crashing down, when your man is just wondering when the next time their favorite hockey team is playing. Although this may not be a good thing in some cases, I think this thought can help women rest a little easier at night.

P.s I had mentioned that they are going on a trip in a few days, totally psyched to have the house to myself for a while!! Moving back home after living on your on in University is extremely frustrating. That discussion should be saved for another post. WOOT!

Lifes Complicated, Awkward, Lonely Dance

Hi there!

Thanks for taking the time to check out my blog :)

I decided to start a blog because I guess like most people out in the world I have a lot of thoughts about things that go on in my life, and sometimes you just dont want to tell people you know about these certain things. I have also started to get the feeling like my friends are tired of hearing me complain about the same old problems over and over again.
I also thought this would be a great way to fill my time during slow times at work ( hope my boss doesn't figure out this is me lol)

I do not really care if no one decides to follow my blog. I just want a place where i can be brutally honest about my life and maybe have some people be able to realize they are not alone in life's complicated, awkward, lonely dance. 

My title is "Sometimes i wish my life was more like the movies" because sometimes when a certain event happens in my life and I am trying to figure out what to do about it my mind automatically wanders into events similar in TV shows and movies, kind of like the movie cable guy..(see, kind of like what I'm doing right now). I also watch romantic comedy's and romantic movies in general and wonder why life can't be sometimes like that, but I also think, isn't this world much easier to deal with? and I should be grateful that my life is NOTHING  like a movie. Such as the show True Blood..i LOVE that show...but do I wish that i had vampires running around, with witches and werewolves? Cool non the less... and the hot guys fighting over me would be very appealing. My life, however, feels somewhat simple, work everyday, save everyday, walk the same way home everyday, gain a little more weight everyday and i can't help but think if more exciting things came my way like main characters in movies and TV shows would life seem a little more interesting.

But yes, i know what your all thinking, why not make interesting things happen in your life...thats a whole other blog post...interesting things in life cost money..and with my very low paying job and student loans that add up to 40,000 dollars (which according to the student loan people will take me 10 years to pay off) it seems there is no room in my budget for crazyness.

I should end by saying Im not depressed or crazy sad about my life that requires me to cry everyday, I am just an average person, living an average life wondering what it would be like if my life was a little more like a movie?